My lips started quivering agai

My lips started quivering against the cold head joint. I ordered them to stop, but they would not listen. On the stiff paper in front of me I could only see black. My tears blurred the staff, the notes, the clefs, the dynamics all into black. It reminded me of what my life has turned into. Black, just black. There was no light not ever. I prayed for it. It hasn’t come yet. I feel like it has abandoned me, but that’s not the case. Perhaps Light is waiting. Waiting to see if I will tough it out, to see if I am faithful and patient. Or maybe he’s been here all along, hiding and shining dully. Could I make it brighter? Is that even possible? I’ve lived in the dark for so long, what was it even like to be in the light?